Aed jokes
What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?
"Here's the beef of the week!"
What does a cow say when he remembers something?
"I have deja moo!"
I asked a French man if he played videogames, and he said, "Wii!"
What's wrong with my friend?
He's called Dobby Coleman and has a massive jaw.
I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.
When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.
If you're pan, all you have to do is get a sibling and make them get your parents to the outside of the pantry, and you burst out and then say you're pansexual!
I hate it when people think I'm a boy because I have short hair. I mean, I'm gay, what do you expect?
What can a rock possibly say?
Answer: I'll fuck ya mum rock hard.
You don't usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days.
But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: "Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!"
What do you get if you talk to a Down syndrome person face to face at close distance?
Soaked...
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
My blind friend got ran over by a parked car.
A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"
The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"
The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"
The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"
The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"
Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?
A: It's cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're pretty much screwed.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute? They wanted someone to call "daddy."
Q: How do you get the retard kid out of the tree?
A: Wave at him.
Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!
So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"
The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"
Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!
So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"
So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"
How can you tell if a Polish woman is on the rag? One of her socks is missing!
What danger does this put them in? Toxic Sock Syndrome!
What's the best thing about taking a shower with a 12 year old Philippino girl?
If you slick her hair back, she looks 10.