Aed jokes
Yo hairline is so long, when you looked in a mirror you saw an entire endangered species.
How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?
If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe? White vans.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
Why are people in Japan so thin?
Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
What's the difference between a cop and bacon?
Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.
Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.
Google is a woman because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before it makes suggestions.
Why are Republicans supporting giving felons the right to vote?
Because their own personal jeebus is a felon!
Why is Donald Trump so desperate to break into the White House?
Most landlords cannot lease their properties to him due to the fact that he is a felon.
What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?
The cabbage patch.
What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?
They both get a lot of crack.
What do you call a paraplegic stuck in a tower?
In trouble!
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.