Aed jokes
My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.
Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, and you listen closely, you can hear the chair screaming.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, you can hear the chair screaming.
I think fat people took the Hunger Games a little too seriously.
How did Teddy Roosevelt swing all the ladies?
He spoke softly and carried a big stick.
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
What does the EPA issue when a person stinks up a room with their smelly farts?
Air quality alert code brown!
What bird is good at gaming? A game bird.
I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"
Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.
His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."
What do you call someone in a wheelchair during a California fire?
A steamed vegetable.
A man walks into a bar.
Then he walks into a Pole.
Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"
There once was a man named Dave who dug up a prostitutes grave, she was as moldy as shit and missing a tit, but think of all the money he saved
What does a ginger do when they want to high five a friend? They clap.
What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?
2 slices of Brad.
The Israeli government is the biggest joke of all.
When Mother Teresa went to heaven, she was greeted by Saint Peter with a halo for her dedication to the needy. After walking around for a while, she saw Lady Diana with a bigger halo. She got angry at Lady Diana and went to Saint Peter and asked him why she had a bigger one, and Saint Peter said, "Oh, that’s not a halo, that’s a steering wheel."
Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.