Advice jokes
My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."
Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."
Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:
"What advice do you have for people out there?"
As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.
There are women complaining about being r@ped.
JUST DON'T GO NEAR DARK ALLEYS WITH A SPORTS BRA ON. 😁
I remember you. You used to be an ash.
I would love to roast you more, but my mom said to not burn trash.
Where do spiders seek health advice? WebMD.
Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.
If somebody gives you lemons, cut them in half and do the juice in his eyes.
Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!
He was in a fight, then a person said, "Stand up for yourself!"
Just ask your dad.
People trying to stop me from being depressed: “Just cheer up!”
Me: “WOW, I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!”
Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.
A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"
I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
What did the police say on the TV during 9/11?
"Call 911!"
Someone: When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to cheer up.
Me: My, what a great idea! Why didn't I think of that? ;)
Preventing suicide is best done by committing it.
"What do you tell a person with depression?
Just hang in there, buddy!"
Top G advice: You’re either a smart fella or a fart smella.