Actuality jokes
So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.
Why do orphans like to go to church?
Because they actually have a father there.
Hi, I was a feminist until I realised that:
A. Feminism is just a pile of dumb shit.
B. That men are actually treated unequally.
SO
we should all say sorry to the boys for pissing them off.
I went into a dark basement with a flashlight, but then it died, but I was not scared. I was actually delighted.
What's the difference between an orphan's parents and his boomerang?
One of them actually came back.
What's the difference between an orphanage and a supermarket?
People actually want stuff in a supermarket.
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
They actually come back.
Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were on a falling airplane. There were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world,” so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually there are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”
Funniest Roblox Names I've heard:
ButtNugget123
Lil_RAT (user is actually Sillyowlbunny200)
baddasscarrot44
EggnogRat44
What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?
The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.
Random person: Minecraft is actually more peaceful than real life.
Me: Well, screw life. Maybe if I light a fire on myself, I will go to Minecraft (my excuse for suicide).
What's the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and an Emo?
They're both gay and use knives.
Why don't a gun and an orphan have anything in common? The gun is actually useful.
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
I'm actually against abortion.
Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!
Wanna know why the plane actually crashed?
Someone turned off flight mode.
(Or a kid just turned on airplane mode.)
Me: *posts random joke about a duck*
That one guy in the comment section for no reason: "Shut the f*uck up you dumb b*tch you are a piece of sh*t you..."
That other guy in the comment section: "That’s actually offensive to ducks."
Bro it’s a joke...
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.
The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"
The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple actually gets picked.
Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.
Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.
Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.
Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.
Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.
Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.
Kid: It's not an Apple product.
Indian poor dad: It's a banana.