Actuality jokes
The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.
"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"
Sally: "You..."
Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"
Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."
Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"
Johnny: "A pig."
Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "
Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"
What's the difference between Vin Diesel and an orphan?
Vin Diesel actually has family.
Why do orphans like going to church?
Because they actually get to say "father" for once.
Why were the twin towers actually twins?
Their birth and death date are the same!
Why is Homelander an orphan's favorite superhero?
Because they can actually land a home.
My cousin be like :
I've always been suicidal. Some might say, "Why haven't I actually done the act?" I'll just say, well, I hate myself too much so I thought I'd stay around for the punishment of staying alive.
Rape jokes like cancer jokes or AIDS jokes are just humorous wordplay. If you don't agree, send me your details, and we'll see if you prefer actual rape to a harmless rape joke... YOU SAD SACKS OF HUMORLESS SHIT MUNCHERS!
Rape jokes aren’t funny. People like me that are actually victims of rape are triggered by them.
Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were on a falling airplane. There were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world,” so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually there are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”
In jail, why is the white guy scarier than the black guy? Because the white guy actually did something.
I wrote a song about tortillas...
Actually, it's more of a wrap.
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
Because they actually come back.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples are actually picked.
I actually want peace, not war.
That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.
Why is the white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
Because the white guy actually did it.
What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?
A KIDNey!
Have you ever wondered how your teachers would look if they were 20 years younger than they actually are? I bet some of them would be smoking hot. Especially my 25-year-old English teacher. I'd bang her if she were 20 years younger.
Why is an orphan's favorite game Monopoly?
Because they can actually buy a house.
What is the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples actually get picked.
What is an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it actually comes back.