Did you know you don't actually wash your hands?
They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.
Actuality Jokes
Why is the white man in prison scarier than the black one?
The white one actually did it!
Why do orphans like being criminals?
Because then someone actually wants them.
Wanna know why the plane actually crashed?
Someone turned off flight mode.
(Or a kid just turned on airplane mode.)
What is the difference between an orphan and a non-orphan? You can slap the orphan, but not the non-orphan because they can actually tell their parents.
What's the difference between an orphan and a dog?
One of them is actually loved.
Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.
What's the difference between an orphan and a pencil?
People actually have a use for one of them.
Don't ever say your life is a joke because jokes are actually funny.
Why did the orphan scream "wolf"? Because people actually came back.
A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."
The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
Why do orphans like going to church?
Because they actually get to say "father" for once.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple actually gets picked.
What's the difference between a casino and a church?
You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.
I rate the atmosphere of Israel a 10/7; real good stuff there, looks like an actual movie!
What's the difference between friends and family?
One is actually real.
The QUEEN is JACK! KING off the JOKER!
I know what you're thinking, pervert. Actually, the joke's about a jester in drag. OK, I’m joking, the Queen cheated on the King with the Jester.
Is someone who is tardy again actually "retardy"?
I hate it when you say your life is a joke because a joke actually has meaning.
