Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they actually come back.
Someone asked me if I've ever tried to kill myself. I responded, "Absolutely. A few times actually. I'm just not very good at it."
So my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn't actually tell me the joke.
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
The puppies actually get adopted.
Do you have dark humor?
Actually never mind, I was going to tell you a joke about babies dying..... but I decided to abort.
Why do orphans like getting kidnapped? Because someone actually wants them. 🤣
How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.
During a phone call:
"Hey, is Michael Jackson in Miami with his manager?"
"Actually, he's off to Tampa with the kids."
My friend while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: You're priceless When we get to the checkout: I'm actually $2.50
What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.
I made a website for orphans, but sadly it didn't have a home page.
I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.
Do you wanna hear the gossip about butter?
Actually I shouldn't spread it.
What's the difference between Mexicans and stoners? Stoners actually have papers.
What's the difference between Hitler and a feminist?
At least Hitler actually did something
What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden. The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap
So. You wanna hear a joke about the wall? ...Actually nah you won't get over it
Why were the twin towers actually twins?
Their birth and death date are the same!
(Set up joke for the actual joke) So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog. (Actual joke) When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison.
The white guy actually did it.
