Actuality jokes

Someone asked me if I've ever tried to kill myself. I responded, "Absolutely. A few times actually. I'm just not very good at it."

Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they actually come back.

So, my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn't actually tell me the joke.

One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one, then he/she should stand up.

After a minute, a boy stands up.

The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he's an idiot.

The boy says, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."

What's the difference between puppies and orphans?

The puppies actually get adopted.

Do you have dark humor?

Actually, never mind. I was going to tell you a joke about babies dying... but I decided to abort.

Why do orphans like getting kidnapped? Because someone actually wants them. 🤣

How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.

During a phone call:

"Hey, is Michael Jackson in Miami with his manager?"

"Actually, he's off to Tampa with the kids."

My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."

When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.

I made a website for orphans, but sadly it didn't have a home page.

I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

Rules of Dark humor:

1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.

2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.

3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that.

I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.

- Sincerely, Zane

Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."

Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"

Guy: "Yup"

Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"

Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"

Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.

He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.

We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)

Do you wanna hear the gossip about butter?

Actually, I shouldn't spread it.

What's the difference between Mexicans and stoners? Stoners actually have papers.

What's the difference between Hitler and a feminist?

At least Hitler actually did something.

What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?

The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.

So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?

... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.