Accident jokes
Kobe: "Don't crash!"
Helicopter: *Crashes*
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream?
He was hit by an ice cream truck.
"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
My grandfather died at Auschwitz.
Poor fella fell off the guard tower.
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
My boyfriend said if I kiss him, I'll get lucky. I fell down a flight of stairs.
Why did the girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Why is Ronan's forehead the size of Jupiter? Because he dropped the TV on his forehead. It also had rings.
Why is Jupiter's ring stuck in orbit? Because Ronan's forehead kept it stuck in orbit.
Snails are like sperm, slow and sloppy.
I had bullies behind me on the street, but they were too fat and slow, so they got ran over by a truck that represents fat and slow.
I got in a car crash with a dwarf one day. He came storming out, and glared at me. I lowered my window and called out, "So, I'm guessing you're not happy?"
A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.
I’d make a Kobe joke, it just wouldn’t land right.
So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).
A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”
My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids.
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?
To the I.C.U.
Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?
They've been rear-ended too many times.
Goofy ahh grandpa fell down the stairs, and he said, "Damn!"
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.
My grandma stubbed her toe in an elevator on September 21st.