Accident jokes

Why did Princess Di cross the road?

Momentum.

It squirted in my eye, God dammit!

Q: Why did the baby cross the road?

A: It wasn't in its car seat.

My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.

I still remember my granddad's last words,

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.

Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?

He didn't either.

What do you call a retard that got hit by a car? Mashed potatoes.

What do you call a bald person on fire?

A fried egg.

Were you bought on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen.

What do you get if a disabled person falls off a building? Mashed potatoes.

What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.

"That driving backwards, it creeping me out, you're gonna wreck or something." - Lightning McQueen.

Because that is what could have saved Titanic, and it wrecked.

I caught a cold, Mary Earp caught the ball, what did the towers catch? The plane.

Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?

Because he got hit by a bus.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she is a dumb b*tch!

I would tell a joke about Kobe, but it wouldn’t really land well.

There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.

*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*

Who crashed the plane?

1. Abu Faram? - terrorist

2. The little kid Joseph?

3. The passed out pilot?

Or Jamal?