Accident jokes
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 42 stories in 7 seconds.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not Susie!"
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
I caught a cold, Mary Earp caught the ball, what did the towers catch? The plane.
"That driving backwards, it creeping me out, you're gonna wreck or something." - Lightning McQueen.
Because that is what could have saved Titanic, and it wrecked.
What do you call a bald person on fire?
A fried egg.
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a bus.
Why did Princess Di cross the road?
Momentum.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It wasn't in its car seat.
I still remember my granddad's last words,
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a truck.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, I'm not a poo, you're a poo.
Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie!
Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?
Son: Why?
Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.
Her: I love Kobe Bryant!
Me: Helicopter Helicopter
Her:.....
Me: At least you don't say save the trees, cus damn Kobe is good.
Who crashed the plane?
1. Abu Faram? - terrorist
2. The little kid Joseph?
3. The passed out pilot?
Or Jamal?
I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and roared, "Hot wheels!"
*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*