Accident jokes
So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.
What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.
What do you get if a disabled person falls off a building? Mashed potatoes.
Were you bought on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen.
Why did the child cross the road?
Because he didn’t wear a seatbelt.
Memes
omg im sobbing so hard, saddest yt comment ever bro, challenge, find a sadder one
What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?
"What does this button do...?"
What is white, then red, and is very fast?
My chainsaw blade.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "Fuck him, he's only an egg."
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not Susie!"
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a truck.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, I'm not a poo, you're a poo.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 42 stories in 7 seconds.
Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie!
It squirted in my eye, God dammit!
What's the difference between Kobe Bryant and Jeffrey Epstein?
Only 2 13-year-olds went down on Kobe's helicopter.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a campfire and shouted out "Hot Wheels!"
Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.
Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!
Rachel: Alright!
On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.
Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!
Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!
What were Princess Diana's last words?
Have you been Dri...?