Accident jokes
Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!
Dad: Uh...
*hides his rifle*
I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.
Why did your mom cross the road?
Why? She didn't, she got hit by a car.
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.
What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 42 stories in 7 seconds.
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a truck.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, I'm not a poo, you're a poo.
Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie!
I still remember my granddad's last words,
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.
It squirted in my eye, God dammit!
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
What's the difference between Kobe Bryant and Jeffrey Epstein?
Only 2 13-year-olds went down on Kobe's helicopter.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a campfire and shouted out "Hot Wheels!"
I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and roared, "Hot wheels!"
Who crashed the plane?
1. Abu Faram? - terrorist
2. The little kid Joseph?
3. The passed out pilot?
Or Jamal?