What's the definition of disappointment?
Running into a wall with a boner, but it only hits your nose.
Never joke about 9/11, they'll just crash and burn.
There was this intern that worked at an orphanage, and she burnt it down. Luckily, she doesn't have to tell her parents.
When you put the chicken in the oven, it goes down, and the oven explodes. The oven and smoke and everything is fire and on fire and flies to the grass, and all goes back.
What do gum and guns have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend all of a sudden.
Yo mama so stupid, she thought Kobe Bryant survived the plane crash.
One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.
The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.
Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?
A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.
Boy: Crap, I hit a deer.
Girl: Awe... I guess it’s not so much of a dear.
Boy: ...
Boy: Get the hell out!
There were 500 bricks on a plane. One fell off.
Little Sally was crossing a river full of crocodiles. How did she survive the river? She had a gun. When she got out of the river, she died. Why? Because a brick fell on her head.
5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"
i was hit by a car later my ex lost her bus job
Your family in a nutshell
i killed a man in 94
Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?
Because he had no loco-MOTIVE. AHAHAH
You can find perfectly cooked Kobe in a Japanese restaurant, but you can only find burnt Kobe in Calabasas.
I tripped over my wife’s bra. It was a booby trap!
I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.
Imagine being named Colby and you burn yourself.
There was once a boy who took a selfie, and the next day became an orphan.
