Accident jokes

Q: Why did the baby cross the road?

A: It wasn't in its car seat.

Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie!

It squirted in my eye, God dammit!

My uncle got really badly burned the other day.

They don't fuck around at the crematorium.

My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.

I still remember my granddad's last words,

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a campfire and shouted out "Hot Wheels!"

There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.

I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.

Who crashed the plane?

1. Abu Faram? - terrorist

2. The little kid Joseph?

3. The passed out pilot?

Or Jamal?

I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and roared, "Hot wheels!"

I would tell a joke about Kobe, but it wouldn’t really land well.

One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.

Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.

Her: I love Kobe Bryant!

Me: Helicopter Helicopter

Her:.....

Me: At least you don't say save the trees, cus damn Kobe is good.

If the captain of the Titanic was dumb, he would eat the iceberg.

When a guy falls, it hurts them there. When a woman falls, it hurts more.

Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.

Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!

Rachel: Alright!

On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.

Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!

What did they find in Paul Walker's glovebox?

His head and shoulders.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she is a dumb b*tch!