Accident Jokes

I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.

Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.

Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.

There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:

Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.

Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.

These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.

Only Ninety's kids know about this.

1: My grandpa died last year.

2: What kind of cancer?

1: He was hit by a bus! It's called bus cancer.

When you throw paper at a hill, you can say, "Hey, look, it is like Kobe's helicopter!"

The image shows Carnage from a comic book or animation, with his mouth open in an exaggerated expression of pain, or shock. The text overlay says: "When you drop something on your toe."

Have any of you guys heard the classic airplane jokes? Here's a good example...

A farmer, a doctor, and a terrorist are on a plane. An engine fails, and they are going to crash, so the pilot asks everyone to throw out some items. The farmer threw out his apple harvest, the doctor threw out medical supplies, and the terrorist, (not needing a bomb apparently) threw out his briefcase of bombs. They still crashed, and they started walking to the nearest town. They passed a boy who was running. "Why are you running?"

"My dad got hit by a shiny red object and now he's bleeding!"

They three of them decide it's best to keep quiet, and continue. They then passed a crying girl, who said that her brother had been killed by a scalpel from heaven. They said nothing and continued. Finally, they see a boy laughing so much he is in tears. They ask him, "What's so funny?"

"Grandma farted and the house blew up!"

One day, a skeleton wasn't laughing. Someone asked him why he was not laughing. It turns out he fell and broke his bone, his funny bone that is.

My blind friend got ran over by a parked car.

What's got 4 legs and is stronger than Superman?

Christopher Reeve's horse.

Why did Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.

My granddad died in Auschwitz in WW2...

He fell from a tower.

Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?

Because he fell off his wheelchair.

If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"

I kicked a soccer ball into a kid in a wheelchair so we are playing Rocket League.

One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.