Accident jokes
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "Fuck him, he's only an egg."
I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.
Why did your mom cross the road?
Why? She didn't, she got hit by a car.
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
Memes
Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?
Luisa: The ship doesn't swerve, as it heard how big the iceberg is.
Captain of the Titanic: Wait, what did you say?
3 minutes later:
Why didn't I listen to the strong one?
What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire?
Hot wheels.
Once, an orphan purposely fell out of a tree. He forgot his parents wouldn't catch him.
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
House for sale: five minutes from the beach or eight seconds if you fall.
What do you get if a disabled person falls off a building? Mashed potatoes.
Why did the child cross the road?
Because he didn’t wear a seatbelt.
What is white, then red, and is very fast?
My chainsaw blade.
Were you bought on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen.
What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?
"What does this button do...?"
Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.
He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.
What does Diana stand for?
Died In A Nasty Accident.