Accident jokes
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Why did the old man fall down a well?
He couldn't see that well.
I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."
What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.
Today sucked. My friend fell off a cliff, and I went to jail.
My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?
So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
Stephen Hawking tried to charge his phone and unplugged his life support.
A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:
Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
What do you call a bald person on fire?
A fried egg.
"That driving backwards, it creeping me out, you're gonna wreck or something." - Lightning McQueen.
Because that is what could have saved Titanic, and it wrecked.
I caught a cold, Mary Earp caught the ball, what did the towers catch? The plane.
Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a bus.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "Fuck him, he's only an egg."
I accidentally sucked my own ball sack.
What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?
"What does this button do...?"
What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.
What do you call a retard that got hit by a car? Mashed potatoes.
Were you bought on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen.