Accident jokes
What's yellow all over and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
What's the difference between a plane and a woman?
At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.
Why couldn’t Billy go to school today?
The bus driver hit Sally.
"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."
Where did Joe go after getting lost on the mine field?
Everywhere.
What's black and white, black and white, black and white...?
A dead nun rolling down a hill.
Fatty and Skinny sitting in a bed.
Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.
I could never forget my grandfather's last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"
I got hit by a bus.
But the bus was my ex.
What's worse than 10 babies in a truck?
One baby in 10 trucks.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
What did they find in Paul Walker's glovebox?
His head and shoulders.
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Why did the old man fall down a well?
He couldn't see that well.
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"
I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."
What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.
Today sucked. My friend fell off a cliff, and I went to jail.