Accident jokes
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Why did the old man fall down a well?
He couldn't see that well.
I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."
What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.
Today sucked. My friend fell off a cliff, and I went to jail.
I remember my grandad's last words: "Are you still holding the ladder?"
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
Why did Gemma fall off her bike?
She got hit by a fridge.
Why did the girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Stephen Hawking tried to charge his phone and unplugged his life support.
So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"
A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:
Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
I accidentally sucked my own ball sack.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "Fuck him, he's only an egg."