My father can take a joke because he made one.
One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"
I hate sitting in traffic, I always get run over.
Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.
Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!
There were two snakes slithering along when one snake said to the other snake, "Are we poisonous?" "Idk why?" The other snake responded, "'Cause I just bit my tongue!"
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Both crews were marooned!
My pet parrot had an accident and lost both his wings... he is being very brave about it though... he is totally unflappable.
You can give a hockey team airplane a new source of heating, but it went too far on September 7th, 2011, when the Yaroslavl plane crash happened.
Why was Josef Vasicek a Stanley Cup champion in 2006?
Because you know who was jealous and he went down in 2020.
What did Kobe Bryant and Josef Vanicek have in common?
They both won a trophy at least once, Vanicek a 1x Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes, and they also both crashed and burned in a helicopter or airplane.
What did Pavol Demitra think before the Yaroslavl plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, did I leave the stove on at home?"
20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off. Okay moving on you took to long, how many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge (*Their reply* Idk how many) 3, Open the fridge put the elephant into the fridge and close the door. how do you put a giraffe into the fridge (*Their reply* 3...) Wrong 4, Open the fridge take out the elephant put in the giraffe and close the door, why did sally fall off the swing, A fridge fell on her
It was September 10, 2001 when I stayed up watching TV shows. I woke up late to work at The World Trade Center. But it was burning. I said out loud, " I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean.. I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.
“What happens when an Asian man runs into a brick wall?”
“A broken nose..”
If you park your toe-truck on the footpath it'll get toe-d.
My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl. I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot
Why did lil timmy drop his lollies
(He was hit by a train
I'm Gay
Why did Johnny drop his pencil? To look up girls skirts😬🤯😲😳😱🙀🙊
Breaking News! a plane crashes into a bridge
