Accident jokes
There was a plane crash. The pilot's names were Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk, and Bang Ding Ow.
Why did Sally get to go to Hawaii for free? She washed up on the beach.
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A nun falling down the stairs.
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”
Bro, Kobe Bryant is singing with the basketball team in his helicopter, celebrating right now, I bet.
Oh wait, I forgot.
If you park your tow truck on the footpath, it'll get towed.
There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:
Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.
Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.
These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.
Only Ninety's kids know about this.
A twin engine has two engines.
If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.
My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.
I accidentally drank a little food coloring last night. I ended up dying inside.
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!
What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A Doberman in a playground.
So Fred accidentally cut off John's ear with his spade.
John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his spade and cut off John's ear.
"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it, they can sew it back on."
After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is," handing the ear to John.
"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back into the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it!"
Why are the 9/11 survivors the fastest readers in the world? Because they went down 109 stories in 10 seconds.
Boy: Crap, I hit a deer.
Girl: Awe... I guess it’s not so much of a dear.
Boy: ...
Boy: Get the hell out!
This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.
(Do you get the joke?)
(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)
Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels."
So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.
Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.
Why did Susan drop her ice cream? She was hit by a bus.