Accident jokes

What's yellow all over and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.

I got hit by a bus.

But the bus was my ex.

What's worse than 10 babies in a truck?

One baby in 10 trucks.

What's black and white, black and white, black and white...?

A dead nun rolling down a hill.

Fatty and Skinny sitting in a bed.

Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.

Where did Joe go after getting lost on the mine field?

Everywhere.

I could never forget my grandfather's last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.

A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.

The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"

"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.

The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"

"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.

A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"

"Sure," said the little boy.

The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.

"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."

There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!

Why did Gemma fall off her bike?

She got hit by a fridge.

Why did the girl fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?

With a pitchfork.

Stephen Hawking tried to charge his phone and unplugged his life support.

Man: How tall is a penguin?

Bartender: About three foot, why?

Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!

Poor car.

I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."

What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.

My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

Why did the old man fall down a well?

He couldn't see that well.

I remember my grandad's last words: "Are you still holding the ladder?"

Today sucked. My friend fell off a cliff, and I went to jail.