There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
Accident Jokes
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Why did the old man fall down a well?
He couldn't see that well.
I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."
What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.
Today sucked. My friend fell off a cliff, and I went to jail.
I remember my grandad's last words: "Are you still holding the ladder?"
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
Why did Gemma fall off her bike?
She got hit by a fridge.
Why did the girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Stephen Hawking tried to charge his phone and unplugged his life support.
So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"
A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:
Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
I accidentally sucked my own ball sack.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "Fuck him, he's only an egg."
I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.
