Why did the planes crash into the Twin Towers?
Because the cleaner left the landing lights on!
Accident Jokes
So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.
What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
What's the 9/11 survivors' least favorite team?
New York Jets.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 42 stories in 7 seconds.
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a truck.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, I'm not a poo, you're a poo.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not Susie!"
Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?
Son: Why?
Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a bus.
What is the world's strongest material?
The tree that Paul Walker hit.
I caught a cold, Mary Earp caught the ball, what did the towers catch? The plane.
What do you call a bald person on fire?
A fried egg.
Why did Princess Di cross the road?
Momentum.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It wasn't in its car seat.
Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie!
It squirted in my eye, God dammit!
