Accident jokes
Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?
Once, an orphan purposely fell out of a tree. He forgot his parents wouldn't catch him.
Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.
Luisa: The ship doesn't swerve, as it heard how big the iceberg is.
Captain of the Titanic: Wait, what did you say?
3 minutes later:
Why didn't I listen to the strong one?
Why did your mom cross the road?
Why? She didn't, she got hit by a car.
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
House for sale: five minutes from the beach or eight seconds if you fall.
What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire?
Hot wheels.
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
What's the 9/11 survivors' least favorite team?
New York Jets.
Why did the planes crash into the Twin Towers?
Because the cleaner left the landing lights on!
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms.
So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.
Kobe's favorite song was "It's going down for real."
Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!
Dad: Uh...
*hides his rifle*
I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)
It squirted in my eye, God dammit!