Accident jokes
I caught a cold, Mary Earp caught the ball, what did the towers catch? The plane.
Kobe's favorite song was "It's going down for real."
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "Fuck him, he's only an egg."
Were you bought on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen.
What do you get if a disabled person falls off a building? Mashed potatoes.
What is white, then red, and is very fast?
My chainsaw blade.
I accidentally sucked my own ball sack.
What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?
"What does this button do...?"
Why did the child cross the road?
Because he didn’t wear a seatbelt.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
"That driving backwards, it creeping me out, you're gonna wreck or something." - Lightning McQueen.
Because that is what could have saved Titanic, and it wrecked.
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.
What do you call a retard that got hit by a car? Mashed potatoes.
Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.
He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 42 stories in 7 seconds.
Once, an orphan purposely fell out of a tree. He forgot his parents wouldn't catch him.
Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.
Luisa: The ship doesn't swerve, as it heard how big the iceberg is.
Captain of the Titanic: Wait, what did you say?
3 minutes later:
Why didn't I listen to the strong one?
Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?