Accident jokes
Were you bought on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen.
What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?
"What does this button do...?"
Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.
He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.
Memes
ohio lol
What does Diana stand for?
Died In A Nasty Accident.
Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!
Dad: Uh...
*hides his rifle*
Kobe's favorite song was "It's going down for real."
Why did the planes crash into the Twin Towers?
Because the cleaner left the landing lights on!
So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.
What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
What's the 9/11 survivors' least favorite team?
New York Jets.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 42 stories in 7 seconds.
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a truck.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, I'm not a poo, you're a poo.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not Susie!"
Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?
Son: Why?
Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.