Accident jokes
What's the 9/11 survivors' least favorite team?
New York Jets.
So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.
Why did the planes crash into the Twin Towers?
Because the cleaner left the landing lights on!
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
What does Diana stand for?
Died In A Nasty Accident.
Memes
Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.
He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.
Were you bought on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen.
What do you get if a disabled person falls off a building? Mashed potatoes.
Why did the child cross the road?
Because he didn’t wear a seatbelt.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.
Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.
Luisa: The ship doesn't swerve, as it heard how big the iceberg is.
Captain of the Titanic: Wait, what did you say?
3 minutes later:
Why didn't I listen to the strong one?
Once, an orphan purposely fell out of a tree. He forgot his parents wouldn't catch him.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms.
House for sale: five minutes from the beach or eight seconds if you fall.
What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire?
Hot wheels.
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?