Accident jokes
What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.
What do you get if a disabled person falls off a building? Mashed potatoes.
Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.
Luisa: The ship doesn't swerve, as it heard how big the iceberg is.
Captain of the Titanic: Wait, what did you say?
3 minutes later:
Why didn't I listen to the strong one?
Once, an orphan purposely fell out of a tree. He forgot his parents wouldn't catch him.
Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?
House for sale: five minutes from the beach or eight seconds if you fall.
What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire?
Hot wheels.
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
I still remember my granddad's last words,
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
What's the 9/11 survivors' least favorite team?
New York Jets.
Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie!
What does Diana stand for?
Died In A Nasty Accident.
Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.
He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.
Kobe's favorite song was "It's going down for real."
So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
Why did the planes crash into the Twin Towers?
Because the cleaner left the landing lights on!