Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N. Oh my gosh, I'm peeing on my shoe, no one knows about it yet!
This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.
(Do you get the joke?)
(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)
I saw a bicycler flip over a gutter. It was pretty grate.
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"
I told my friend to fly a plane,
But he threw a ramp off a roof.
When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.
See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.
A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!
I would make a joke about Kobe, but I don't think it would fly very well.
Why did the chicken cro-
UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓
I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.
Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord.
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.
Kobe: Stop doing dark humor!
Me: Why? They don't land well together?
A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.
When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"
God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."
