Accident jokes
Why did Jerry fall off the moon?
Because he got hit by a fridge.
When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.
What’s red, blonde, and wet?
Saskia in grain.
There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?
A pentagon.
Q: What's a ship's least favorite food? A: Iceburg-ers
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Not Sally, she doesn’t have any arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She doesn’t have any arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by a bus.
There was a person inside who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid, so they put people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor and the 94th floor, literally.
Why'd Sally drop her ice cream?
She was hit by a bus.
What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?
... A boner.
How do you get chewing gum out of a child's hair? Cancer.
Did you hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? Well, he's dead.
Give Kobe a plane ticket, he'll fly for the trip, but give Kobe a helicopter and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
I'M GOING TO HELL FOR THIS!!!
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Why did the plane crash?
Because it was being flown by a loaf of bread.
A man says, "I'm flying!" He realizes he was pushed out of a plane.
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!
What's big and yellow and can't swim? A bus filled with children.
Little Johnny walks in on his mom taking a shower and slips and falls under her, and he says, "What's that, Mama?" She says, "That's just an old bear." He says, "He's a mean bear." She says, "Why's that?" He says, "He's got blood in on eye and shit in the other."
What's worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
"I created the Human Torch."