me: *gets down on one knee*
girlfriend: omg, it's finally happening
me: *falls over*
girlfriend: the poison is kicking in
Whats the point of hiding the screaming speedbump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming B:Make it look like an actually speed bump and C:... You think its Hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach
I ran over neighbors cat last night and I just want to say... THAT THING WAS FAST! I had run a red light to get it!
So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called straight out of windshield.
I walked up to a man and he said hows the weather up their and then i pushed him in the street to get hit by a bus
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by bus
The twin towers are like water bottles
it's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess
I was making vegetable soup yesterday but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit
Three guys are on a plane one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American, and the Pilot says “There is to much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off.” So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said , “I have plenty of these where I come from,” the the Asian threw out some rice and said “I have plenty of these in my country,” The American threw out a bomb and said, “I have a lot of these in my country.” The plane crashes anyway and the three men start to walk away from the crash, as they were walking the found a boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of Buritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy,” The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of rice fell out of the sky and sherded all my clothes.” The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble, they kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny the boy said, “MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!”
my sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks im irresponsible so i throw it out the window
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? to get to the other side
Me dozing off while driving. Everyeone alse on the passanger plane September 11 2001
suicide isn't a joke. it's called "parkour gone wrong".
I will remember my biker buddies last words ̈Why did you cut in front of me ̈.
getting hurt is a bone breaking experience it's such a spine tingling event
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell, she broke every bone in her body.
1 year later she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died
They told me throwing babies was bad but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
mom tells her son to go to the other kid to walk to the kid just standing still to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car(but her son was blind the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap and the kid died because he couldn't hear he was deaf)
