Accident jokes

My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"

The British equivalent to 9/11 would be a big red bus crashing into Big Ben.

What did the fish say before he hit the wall? -- "Oh, dam."

Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.

Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "Hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage?"

The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "What's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "Well, Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit, so we cut them off."

I would make a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.

I only remember my father's last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.

What was the one word that could have saved Princess Diana's life?

Taxi.

I've been hit by several things in my life.

Sadly, never a car.

My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.

I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."

Stephen Hawking died because he accidentally lost his bluetooth connection.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

you.

When you accidentally wipe a little too hard and your finger goes up your bumhole, triggering flashbacks of when you were 10 and your uncle stayed a few weeks. 😂

Why did Billy fall off his bike?

Because his dad threw a chair at him.

A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.

What did the Mexican man say when his house fell on him?

"Get off me homes."

Why didn't Sally get home from work?

She got hit by a bus.