Accident jokes

If your controller ever dies, remember those people that died on the submersible.

This whole string is really messed up. Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves. I just heard the audio recording of the crash and it said, "HE'S ON FIRE! BOOM SHAKALAKA!"

Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”

1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!

Why did the autistic kid walk across a busy road?

He was chasing his mind and got hit by a car.

Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.

Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!

Rachel: Alright!

On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.

Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!

My pet parrot had an accident and lost both his wings... he is being very brave about it though... he is totally unflappable.

My father always used to say:

"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."

Until the accident.

What do Humpty Dumpty and Ace from KISS have in common?

They both had a great fall.

Mommy, why is my name Brick???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.

Mommy, why is my name Rose???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.

Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."

What do you say when you hear someone tripping over at night?

Goddammit, Jamal!

Your forehead is so big, if you fell, you would knock out your whole state cold.

My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.

(Knock knock) Who's there? Accident. Accident who? Accident you.

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?

Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.

My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.

Looks like McSkillet McKilledIt.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and said, "Hot Wheels!"

So I went to the bank and a lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.