My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side so i crashed the car.
Why did the orphan cross the road. Because they thought they saw there parents(plot twist the orphan got ran over)
Today sucked my freind fell of a cliff and I went to jail
This 15 year old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed unfortunately it killed her dad because it fell off the wall
(Do you get the joke)
(Her dad was on her and it fell and killed him)
Why did the old man fall into the well? He couldn't see that well.
When your parents say we are sorry that you are here what do you think of that. I THINK THAT YOUR AN ACCIDENT!
I’ll never forget my father’s last words...
Oh fuck, it’s a bus!
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today.
Now they call him Hot Wheels.
I was making vegetable soup yesterday but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit
How did Helen Keller lose her arm? She tried to read the stop sign at 100 MPH.
What happens to a baby when you let it run loose it can’t cause it can’t run yet
What is red and very rare?
A child in a blender.
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7 - When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the 'bright side' of it. She said "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome" 54 students died that day.
what similar between a 14 year old pregnant girl and the fetus inside of her
there both thinking oh shit my moms going to kill me
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dads corpse holding a jug of milk.
There was a car accident and the cops pull up to the crime seen to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said what happened here she responded by saying a car crash. They then asked but how did it happen, she responded the cars crashed into each other. They finally said but why did it happen. The lady said oh i know where your going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas peddle the car goes forward and they both pushed it so they both went forward and hit each other. One cop said never mind ma'm and they stared walking away. The blonde lady then said oh and officers my computer froze do you think i should put in the microwave or in the oven?
I was gonna do a school shooter joke, but it was aimed at younger audiences.
I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."
Teacher: Where were you born?
Student: The highway.
Teacher: What do you mean?
Student: I don't know, my mom says that's where all the accidents happen.
my sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks im irresponsible so i throw it out the window
