True story: my math teacher Mr. Ueberoth accidentally marked a Kahoot as 100 points in Google Classroom instead of 10. If he doesn't find out, the grades will be more hyperinflated than Zimbabwe's economy.
Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."
Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.
Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀
My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.
(Again, credits to my really funny friend)
If Kobe missed a shot, his helicopter will too.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and said, "Hot Wheels!"
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.
He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.
What do you call a gay kid on fire?
I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.
A vampire goes to the bakery.
Vampire: "One bun, please."
Baker: "But you're a vampire, don't you need blood?"
Vampire: "Yes, there is an accident outside and I need something to dip."
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?
They both collapsed.
My grandma stubbed her toe in an elevator on September 21st.
Luckily, his funeral was a closed casket, sorry, his car blew a gasket.
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.
This boy in my high school choir class had a decently big forehead, so I leaned in and said, "You know, if you painted an H on your forehead, maybe Kobe would've landed."
A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.
I will never forget my grandfather's last words:
"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"
Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.
