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Accident

Accident jokes

I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"

Race car backwards is race car.

Race car sideways is how Paul Walker died.

  • 1

    • What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?

    Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.

  • 3

    • Me and my friend were duck hunting.

    He shot 5 ducks in one shot. Then he shot by accident and yelled "DUCK!" then "MOTHERDUCKER!" Then ducks came down and one by one bit him.

  • 1

    • I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.

    A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

    If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?

    The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.

    A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?

    Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.