Breaking News! A plane crashes into a bridge.
Accident Jokes
What's worse than 10 babies in a truck?
One baby in 10 trucks.
What's the difference between me and a bus?
I'm not on fire...
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.
What's black, white, and red?
A nun that fell down an elevator shaft.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?
The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.
I'm not saying I hate you, but if you got hit by a bus, I'd be driving that bus.
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.
Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.
Why did Sally fall out the window?
She was pushed.
Why couldn’t Billy go to school today?
The bus driver hit Sally.
If you turn the word "racecar" backwards, it says "racecar".
But if you turn the racecar sideways, you have Paul Walker's blood on your hands.
Why did Paul Walker cross the road?
Because he wasn’t wearing his seat belt.
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she was hit by a bus.
