Accident jokes

you.

There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.

When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."

The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."

"Shut up."

"No, I need to know your name."

"Shut up."

"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"

"Round the corner picking up shit."

I'm Gay.

Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.

A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:

Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"

Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"

Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"

There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.

One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."

The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."

The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"

Why did the blind man fall down the well?

He couldn't see that well.

I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.

"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.

"Boxing?"

"No, ... hurdles."

A blind man walks into a bar, and a table, and a door, and a staircase.

What did the fish say before he hit the wall? -- "Oh, dam."

What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to straighten her pubic hair and burned her balls.

A blonde walks into a bar.

Ouch.

What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat miner.

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.