Worst Jokes Ever

Today I was asked to go out by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."

Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.

He wants to make America grate again.

Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.

I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.

6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

According to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.

An atom loses an electron... It says, "Man, I really gotta keep an ion them."

The three unwritten rules of life:

1. 2. 3.

No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.

Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.