What's worse than ants in your pants?
Your uncle.
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Your uncle.
How do you blindfold a woman?
Put a windshield in front of them.
Why are gay guys so rude?
Because they’re fucking assholes.
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.
Why is the white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
Because the white guy actually did it.
What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?
My brother didn’t beat cancer.
Your mom is so fat that she thought Eminem is a candy.
What is the shortest month of the year?
May, it only has 3 letters!
What kind of candy do astronauts eat in space?
Mars bars.
Why did the egg hide?
Because it was a little chicken!
Why are gay men so rude? Because they're fucking assholes.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady? You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!
Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
What's another name for cumming inside a woman? Loading the dishwasher.
Yo mama is so ugly her hairline is receding just to get away from her face.
What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?
He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”
What do you call it when you're dead because of that one drink in Panera Bread? Panera dead.