Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly girl? The Twin Towers at least got fucked.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to his job at KFC!
Having an abortion will make you so tired... it literally sucks the life out of you.
What did the lungs say to the cigar?
"You take my breath away..."
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?
The wiener.
I'll never forget my boss's last words: "We shall serve the best meat in our burgers!"
When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?
Woman one: "I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell!"
Woman two: "Did that work?"
Woman one: "Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house."
What do suicidal people do in their spare time?
Hang out.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.
If you turn the word "racecar" backwards, it says "racecar".
But if you turn the racecar sideways, you have Paul Walker's blood on your hands.
What did the pimp order at the Chinese restaurant?
He ordered some cock-bang-ho.
Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
Why are most firefighters men? Because they like to find hot places and leave them wet.
A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.
He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.
The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.
Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.