Worst Jokes Ever

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

By rearranging the furniture.

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."

Do you know why I hate pedophiles?

They are fucking immature kids!

What is the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?

The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

Have you heard of the... uh Pokemon called uh rhy... rhy... Rhydon deez nuts?

I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall, and when I got out, a handicapped man told me that I was an a**hole. I told him, "Bet you won't stand up and say that to my face," and then he broke down.

I was always poked and told at weddings your next...

So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....

On 9/11, the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas. One came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.

a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion

What number is better; 46 or 47?

I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.

What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?

One of them has a POINT:)

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.

But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.

You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?

They are a total rip off.

So, there were kids in the bus, and half of them were white, and the other half was black.

All the kids wanted to sit at the back, so the bus driver said to all the kids, "Stop fighting. From now on, everyone is now green." So, the bus driver said to all the kids, "Dark green go to the front, and light green at the back."

Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.

This is a lot like anal sex.

You always miss 100% of the shots if you don't take it.

If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?

At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.

On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.

“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.

When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,

Then the speed bump starts screaming.