Worst Jokes Ever

A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am, I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide.” The librarian replies, “No, you won’t give it back.”

What's sad and has no life? The person reading this.

what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.

Yo mama so ugly, she made Kanye West go east.

If I were a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party, and insomnia the little annoying sibling.

What is a redneck's favorite sock?

A red sock.

"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."

"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."

I caught my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but thankfully, I turned myself around.

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

By rearranging the furniture.

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."

Do you know why I hate pedophiles?

They are fucking immature kids!

What is the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?

The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

Have you heard of the... uh Pokemon called uh rhy... rhy... Rhydon deez nuts?

I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall, and when I got out, a handicapped man told me that I was an a**hole. I told him, "Bet you won't stand up and say that to my face," and then he broke down.

I was always poked and told at weddings your next...

So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....

On 9/11, the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas. One came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.