Worst Jokes Ever
I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.
I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"
"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."
Caesar salad, Jack and Jill, little Johnny Koala,
Zebra, monkey, vegetables, bus, baa, bus.
What happened when the cheetah took too many baths?
He became spotless!!!
I got sent out of a library for putting a women's rights book in the fiction section.
Why is he sooo dam fineee?
Gay sex is a real pain in the ass.
So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.
When rejected:
That's ok, the 3 other little pigs said no, too.
What do you call a racist community? America.
Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.
Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?
Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.
Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.
Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.
Me: ...
Help me...
I bet a disabled kid on a wheelchair that if he could catch me, I'd give him 1000 dollars. He said deal, and I went upstairs.
What do you call people who have an Oedipus complex?
Motherfuckers.
Hellen Keller walked into a bar... then a table... then a chair.
What's the worst thing about committing suicide? You can only do it once.
What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself? It wasn't sooner.
I would name my dog "Five Miles" so I could say I walk five miles every day, but today I ran over Five Miles.
Your mum was so poor that she went to rob the bank, but she left because she couldn't find the cameras. She left her son, and the security [girl] gave him the camera.
Why can’t Chinese people play cricket?
Because they ate all the bats!
WOULD YOU RATHER:
Eat 20 lbs of cow s**t?
or
Drink a gallon of sperm?
Why were the Twin Towers upset? They ordered Domino's but got jets.