Worst Jokes Ever

If you have cancer, you are gay.

I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.

The whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting "Remind me later" on his Windows Updates.

Chuck Norris would have died a couple of years ago, but death hasn't built up the courage to tell him.

Why do cheetahs always win?

Because they cheat!

A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am, I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide.” The librarian replies, “No, you won’t give it back.”

What's sad and has no life? The person reading this.

what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.

Yo mama so ugly, she made Kanye West go east.

If I were a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party, and insomnia the little annoying sibling.

What is a redneck's favorite sock?

A red sock.

"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."

"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."

I caught my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but thankfully, I turned myself around.

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

By rearranging the furniture.

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."

Do you know why I hate pedophiles?

They are fucking immature kids!