Which band doesn’t make music? One Direction

Did you hear the rumors about butter? Nevermind - you shouldn’t spread them

I moved all the bibles to the fiction section because there is no god as said Stephen Hawking in 2011 but in 2018 god said there was no Stephen Hawking

what do you call a stalker stalking himself a narcissist

What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower? You got off clean

So I stayed at my friends house for a few days and I was like omg why so I am going home because I’m going to my best friend house

Why did sallys pizza get cold, because she has no arms.

Elephant

Where does bin laden keep his cd’s

In Irak

Two scientists walk into a bar. One says ¨I want h20” the other said ¨ I want h20 too¨ The second scientist died.

There were three boys on the top of a slide. The first one went down yelling “gold!” and landed in a pot of gold. The second boy went down and shouted “pillows!” and landed in a heap of pillows. The final boy went down and shouted “weeeeeeeee!”

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck

Why did mimi cross the road She had cancer

It took Jesus 3 days to respond

Worst lag ever

What happens to a cannibal who shows up late for dinner? He gets the cold shoulder.

Did you know that Helen Keller had a dog?

Well neither did she!!!

Do you want to hear a joke about pizza?- Wait, no. Its too CHEESY

The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man. You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.

Q:what type of mother gives there daughter sperm. A:a furry mother

Me and my friend were hunting ducks. He had a 12 gague shotgun, and he looked over and I had a .50 caliber machine gun, he said “your crazy!”, I responded “quackers”