Worst Jokes Ever
Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"
She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"
"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."
Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?
To get them into his van.
What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Batman? Batman returns.
what was Juice WRLD before he was famous?
Answer: alive.
What do you call a retard with a boner? A slowpoke.
B b b b bird bird bird, the bird banged your mom!
What type of meat do priests eat on Good Friday? Nun.
I would make a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.
When the speedbump in a school zone screams, so you go faster.
Why is America better than Japan at rapping?
Because we're better at dropping bombs.
What's the difference between genocide and mass murder?
Genocide is racist.
Any singular person who makes fun of the Chinese in any of these posts is deemed a 他妈的傻逼.
Joke not up for debate.
Sex is like math.
You add a bed.
Subtract the clothes.
Divide the legs.
And pray you don’t multiply.
"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes."
"No, not until their parents pick them up."
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Answer: Because he was playing with a cheetah.
"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing, unless you're at a funeral.
Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."
My friends: "What's your dream job?"
Me: "I'm going to die young :))"
Q. What’s white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow?
A. Toothpaste.
Q. What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A. A seatbelt.