Worst Jokes Ever

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"

His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."

So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"

She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"

The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"

"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.

The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.

"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."

An Abo walks into a pub with a seagull on his shoulder. The barman asks, "Where did you find that?" The seagull replied, "At the tip, mate, there are lots there."

It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!

I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.

Q. What's the biggest cause of infant drownings? A. Postpartum depression.

Did you hear about the octopus who went emo? He sliced all 8 of his wrists.

What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!

Bro, why are you making an avalanche by that big forehead? No wonder why snow was found on Mars.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

What dating app do people in Alabama use? Ancestry.com.

You know how people say white men can’t jump? Well, you should check the 9/11 footage.

Yo bro, look at this twig I found on the floor. Wait...

I can’t stand jokes about Germans.

They’re the wurst.

Why can't you kill a hooker?

Because they're dead inside anyway.

Why was Saudi Arabia sad during 9/11?

Because there were no more planes.

If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?

What do you call a Japanese car thief?

Tommy took a motor.

The USA has school shootings. We Canadians have bus beheadings.

Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.