Worst Jokes Ever
A time traveler walks into a bar.
He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.
A fake name and a fake phone number.
Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school?
Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
What is the opposite of Progress?
Congress.
What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?
He went to the Shell station.
Woman jokes aren't funny, period.
What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.
I used to be a banker...
But then I lost interest.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
I don't trust atoms.
They make up everything.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
It's easy to roast beef.
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?
"Please get out of the pool."
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
You can keep the tip.
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre.