Ex-Boyfriend: You have no ass, so we're through!
Me: Stop being a dickhead, dude!! It ain't gonna make your little sausage any bigger!
Worst Jokes Ever
Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?
A: Nothing! He was hung over.
What's a Mexican's least favorite lesson in art? Drawing border lines.
Don't go to ghostposter.com. The person or persons who run that site are a fucking bunch if dumb fucking cunts who can suck my big cock.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute? They wanted someone to call "daddy."
When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.
What does a cow say when he remembers something?
"I have deja moo!"
What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight each other?
Alien vs. Predator.
Once my friend was saying something dumb, and I was like, "I Campbell-eve you just said that."
Two muffins are sitting in a bar.
The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual."
The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans, and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human-like structure, muffins lack brains, which are an essential part of being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also, with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak, thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.
What is Jesus's favorite exercise?
Cross Fit.
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
What is Hitler's favorite game?
Nahtzee.
Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.
Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."
Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
Why's it called a Caesar Salad?
'Cause Caesar ruled the romaines.
So, Dora is having a sleepover with her cousin Diego at Dora's house. Later that night, Dora's mom hears someone screaming, "Go Diego go!" for at least a couple of minutes, and then it stops, and she goes back to sleep.
But then she hears the same thing a couple of minutes later, so she walks in and hears "Go Diego go!" She walks over to Diego's sleeping bag and looks, and it's empty, so she walks over to Dora's sleeping bag and looks in and sees Dora getting f
... by Diego and hears Dora saying, "Go Diego go!" while moaning.
