Worst Jokes Ever

The twin towers were basically Angry Birds but in real life.

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?

Pizza won't cut itself.

What's the difference between property and women? At least property still retains some value after getting wrecked.

roses are red, unlike the rest, I'm the one who has your IP address.

I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

You masturbate...

AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

You won't get any Squirtle and Bulbasaur pets.

An Asian walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you, too, sing 'One Long Toy Cow'?"

The bartender says to the Asian, "Sorry, I don't speak Chinese."

"Hee hee touch my pp."

Joe mama is so fat, Dora can't explore her.

I would roast you, but you don't have any meat!

Joe mama so fat, she fell on both sides of the bed.

I respect cancer more than I respect depression.

At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.

You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?

It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Depresso expresso.

JK, it's bleach.

What's the worst part about burning your vegetables before dinner?

Explaining what happened to the nursing home while you're hungry.

I know what I want to be for Halloween! A pumpkin! I'm very good at carving into myself, after all.

If you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that's self-harm.

If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that's acting.

It isn't any of those if it's suicide.

What's the best thing about Alzheimer's?

You can hide your own Easter Eggs!

How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?

She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.