A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”
Worst Jokes Ever
Being gay sounds like a pain in the ass.
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed, but you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.
What do you call a group of redneck superheroes?
The Inbredibles.
Kenny is living with his girlfriend now.
He just moved back in with his mom.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions, which made me cry.
Onions was a good dog.
What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.
Two gay guys, two lesbians, and two pedophiles have a race.
What is the order of finish?
1. Lesbians. Doing 69 the whole way.
2. Pedophiles. Coming in a little behind.
3. Gay guys. Still packing their shit.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite type of comedy? Stand up.
Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?
Because it flew over their heads.
A professor was talking about the American dream. Then, he asked the German exchange student if there was a German dream, to which the student replies, "We did, but no one liked it."
When you accidentally choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that it's your sister so who gives a f**k?
I tried to make vegetable soup today, but the wheelchair didn't fit in the pot.
Why did Helen Keller wear skin tight pants?
So you could read her lips.
That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.
What did the angry cow say to its enemy?
"We have beef!"
Your mamma's so ugly, even the toaster wouldn't get in the bathtub with her.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.
