Worst Jokes Ever

How does a cannibal like his meat?

Human.

Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?

Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.

What is the best part of a turkey? The drumstick!

How do you fit 100 rape victims inside a Mini Cooper?

In the ashtray.

Boobs are like batteries...

AA will get the job done...

C is bigger than AA...

D is bigger that C...

...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!

Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?

'Cause it was stuck in the crack... *buttcrack*

What did the kid say to the orphan?

"Well, at least I have parents!"

I was at work yesterday and I saw this kid crying. I went up to him and asked him where his parents were, and he started to cry even more. Gosh, don't you just love working at the orphanage?

Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?

"Because his dad never brought the milk."

What kind of nuts come in cans?

Creamed a-corn.

How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?

Act like a nut.

What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?

“I’m gonna cashew!”

Where do squirrels go for fun?

The acorn-ival.

Why did the nut go to the bank?

To cashew its check.

Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?

It was afraid of the nutcracker.

Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?

He wanted them rusted.

What competition do nuts participate in?

The peanut butter cup.

What do elephants drink on vacation?

Peanut coladas.

Which nut is the best at playing tag?

Catch-yous, aka cashews.

Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost? The nearest Shell station.