Worst Jokes Ever
A Scouser at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer-by, "What time is it, mate?"
An American replies, "That's a mad accent, where are you from?"
The Scouser says, "Liverpool."
The American says, "Oh, what state is that in?"
The Scouser looks around and says, "About the same state as this, mate, but what time is it?"
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
I love telling jokes about orphans. I mean, what are they going to do about it? Tell their parents?
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
Why are Americans bad chess players?
They lost 2 towers.
How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true.
Girl, you are so ugly that when you look in the mirror, it shatters, more than your relationship.
What do depressed people do when they’re bored?
They “Hang” Out.
What did the Twin Towers say to the plane?
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
So there’s this air purifier in my room, right? It’s really noisy, so I unplugged it to sleep better, and sure enough, I fell asleep faster. So I came to the conclusion: if I unplug noisy machines, people will sleep better.
It worked really well in my local hospital.
You're so ugly when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.
Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?
Why did the snowman say, "Good day," to the sun?
Because it was afraid to melt away by the sun.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call dad. 🤣
I was crying because my dad was cutting onions...
Onions was a good dog.
Why were there so many victims in the Grenfell flat fire disaster in London?
All the exit signs were in English.
What do you call a black astronaut? A black astronaut, you racist.