Yours jokes

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."

Kid 1: "As if."

Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

Americans when they think they have the best offensive British jokes: "we threw your tea in the ocean." 💀

British people making offensive jokes about America: "our towers didn’t explode."😎

Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.

Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?

Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.

Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.

Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.

Me: ...

What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?

Transparent.

Your forehead is so huge, you don't have dreams, you have movies. Follow me on Instagram: _zer0x3.

If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?

You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?

European.

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”

School reminds me of a penis. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.

What's red and blue and runs up your leg?

A homesick miscarriage.

The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.

It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

The American salute starts with your hand facing flat towards the ground on your head.

The British salute starts with your hand against your head just like the American salute.

The French salute starts with your hands in the air.

The Saudi salute starts with you being bent over with a camel tongue in your ass.

Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"

Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"

The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"

Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."

The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."

Where is the cheapest gun range? Your local public school.

Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.

One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".

The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."

A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."

A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."

Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

A patient walked into a psychiatrist's office last week wrapped in nothing but Saran Wrap. The psychiatrist said, "I can clearly see your nuts."

How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?

It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.