Yours jokes

You use your legs as support, you count on your fingers.

The best joke in the world is me.

Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?

Once you take away the legs and the breasts, you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

When Elsa said, "Let it go," you took it too seriously and let go of your hairline.

Why don’t you act like your hairline and kindly take several steps back?

Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?

Because it's a battlefield.

I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"

I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents at first."

If you're in Alabama, family reunions are basically speed dating events.

What does the Bartles and Jaymes wine cooler television ad have in common with ministers who are white Christian nationalists?

They both thank you for your financial support.

yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "I wanted your weight not your phone number."

Did you fall from heaven? Because you really did a damage on your face.

Knock knock. Who's there? A boy. A boy who? A boy who can't reach the doorbell knocking at your door.

Advertisement: "What's in your wallet?"

Me: "The same amount of money as there is my will to live... ;_)"

What’s something you might say at sea, but not at your partner?

Land ho!

A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."

I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.

The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"

The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"

The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."

Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.

She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."