Yours jokes

A man and his friend walk into a bar on a 30-story building and order a drink of beer. Then one of the men jumps out the window and he can fly, so he says to his mate, "Gary, take a sip of this drink, it makes you fly!" So Gary takes a sip of the drink, jumps out the window, and dies. And the bartender says, "Gee, Superman, you're a douche when you drink!"

Make an ugly face in 3, 2... STOP! OMG, STOP! EWWWWW! Oh wait, that’s your normal face.

I hope you're an organ donor so your organs can go to someone who deserves them.

Do you know Ligma?

Have fun rubbing those balls in your tomatoes!

You're so small you went surfing on an ice lolly!

Yo, Rob, you forgot to pay me cause you sucky sucky my thang.

AKA, you're up for adoption.

You're all gay. HEHEHE!

What do you do in India when you need to tell the time but don't have the money for a watch?

You bob your head from side to side like a metronome.

I'm gonna blow out your lungs faster than Joe Biden thinks is possible with a 9mm.

So many of these jokes are unoriginal, and you guys need to step up your game.

What does a disabled disco play?

"When your legs don’t work like they used to before."

Is your name winter? Because you’ll be cumming soon.

Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.

You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."

...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half a worm!

Your hairline is so long, people call it "The Natural Disaster!"

Want to save 50% on your Chinese?

Just ask before you pay.

Whoever stole my anti-depression medications, I hope you're happy!

Lemme tell you a little story.

It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow… then faster.

So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.

Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.

And finally… you peel back the last plank.

And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.

BOOOOOOO!!!!

It’s Anne Frank.

The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.

Hey, what’s your favorite type of tomato? Mine is sun-dried tomato.

Get it? "Sun-dried" like "son died."