Yours jokes
One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"
When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life
EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?" Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."
When someone throws something at your forehead, it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead.
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
What's the worst part about burning your vegetables before dinner?
Explaining what happened to the nursing home while you're hungry.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Slap it on the arse and tell it to keep going!
@ the N-word of your dreams, why you not say nun on the fuckin community? You should talk on ther my g.
I yo yo-yo yo-yo yo-yo, yo-yo yo-yo you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you ha! Frick, fuck, gosh dang, you’re so big that you can’t ride. This is Builder.
I saw an orphan on the street. I said, "Where are your parents?" He cried and said, "My mum and dad died in a car crash!" 😆😆😂😂🤣
When you're in the middle of a test and you hear gun shots.
(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!
A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair. The youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said, "Honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?" The wife says, "I swear to all that is holy, he is your son." Then the husband died and the wife muttered, "Thank god he didn't ask about the other three."
Like, and comment if you're single.
What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?
You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"
What is the best thing about a gipsy on her period?
When you finger her, you get your palm red for free.
If you buy two condoms, but you're banging a woman, it's fine, don't throw it away, just make her transgender.
I dunno man, worked for me.
Teacher: Ok class, good morning. We are going to start off by asking what kind of sound animals make.
Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?
Class: A cow says "moo moo."
Teacher: Good!
Teacher: What does a sheep make?
Class: A sheep says "baa baaa."
Teacher: Good! Now, what does a pig say?
Little Johnny: A pig says, "Put your hands up and get against the wall, you stupid mother fucker!"
What did your mom get for Christmas?
A big black horse dildo.
I want a bigger couch.
Why? You're going to be in the kitchen most of the time anyway.