Yours jokes

When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.

When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life

That awkward moment you try to relate to Batman by killing your parents.

Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: "I'm feeling really positive today," and the other replied: "I know. I stole your electron." Then the first atom said "How Ionic."

What is Bill Cosby's favorite poem? Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till your asleep to rape you.

Your mama so stupid, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Imagine you're playing GTA and you finally found out how to take out a gun: Option 1: shoot someone Option 2: suicide

Me: Aren't they the same thing?

Your mom's so fat that One Punch Man had to take two punches.

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

"what's that on your wrist?"

"I'm a cutting board. duh"

Whoever took my anti-depressant pills,

I hope you're fucking happy.

Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.

Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?

A: Either way they'll kill your dog.

Your mom is so fat that if she sits on top of a gas station, she will lower the prices.

Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?

Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.

Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"

A: She looks good when she opens her hair. 😮

B: You will look good when you open your wallet. 👛

Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?"

The bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve viruses here."

Corona replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."