Yours jokes
Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.
A school shooter enters a kindergarten classroom. Little Timmy says, “He’s my daddy!”
The teacher, Mr. Mortez, screams. Little Timmy then says, “Mr. Mortez, my daddy says you’re a big fat whale and he wants to roll you all the way to Canada!” *pushes Mr. Mortez* Little Timmy says, “Hail f**king Canada!”
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.
Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?
Balls in your jaws.
Bro, if you think about it, your mom and God have one thing in common... They're both big.
Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!
When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:
You're so fat,
when you stepped on the scale,
Buzz Lightyear came out and said,
"To infinity and beyond!"
Your mom walked into a bar and broke all the furniture.
Your forehead's so big, Jupiter's moons look up to it.
If you shined a light on it, it would reflect and be a star in the Andromeda galaxy.
Your forehead's so big, it's the main foundation for the wall of China.
Your forehead's so big, it makes up half of the Milky Way's mass.
Your forehead's the reason why the Earth still spins.
How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?
You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.
I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.
Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.
If they made a movie about your sex life, what would the title be?
Mine would be "Alien Vs. Predator."
Your forehead is so big that Mastermind thought you were his long lost brother!
Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
You're dumb, but that's not what she said.
Your forehead [is] so big that if I drew an H on it, Kobe could have landed there.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
At an school 🏫 what is your school's name?
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.