Yours jokes
I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!
I was doin' your mom, yes yours!
I didn’t wanna tell you, but I had to write this song, cause I’m in your house every night doin' your mom.
What do you call a mom that is yours?
Your mom!
Your mama is so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl!
Me: I fucked your mom.
Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.
Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?
Bryce: What?
Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!
P.S. I'm a girl.
"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"
Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.
You: What you doing?
I wonder what you’re doing because you’re bad at math, hahahahaha!
Dear algebra,
I don't want to find your X. I don't know Y she left you.
I hate double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
What did the vegetable say to the other before the fight?
Time to beet your maker.
You know you’re getting fat when you sit in the bath, and the water in the bath rises.
When your friends [are] talking about sports:
Jake says, "It was 17.56M people watching [the] basketball championship."🦁
Sam says, "It was 113M people watching the Super Bowl." 😯🐱
Avion says, "It was up from 1.12 billion people watching [the] World Cup." 😶🙀
How fast is the speed of sex?
68 because at 69 you've got to turn around.
Hey, what’s your favorite type of tomato? Mine is sun-dried tomato.
Get it? "Sun-dried" like "son died."
What's the difference between a homo and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out.
Your mama is so ugly! It took your dad 15 years to return from getting milk.
What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?
Have a blood transfusion.