Yours jokes

What's the difference between a dick and a cannon?

Your dick shots longer.

I bet you're a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, btw your roasts are not fucking funny, they're bullshit like your face and your hairline.

Women: Can I have your number?

Jesus: No.

Women: Why? Are you scared?

Jesus: No. Just when you wanna talk, just pray.

Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.

Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."

(Me) Hey bro, tell me a joke!

(My friend) Your mom. *Starts Laughing*

(Me) *Fakes laughs* *then points a gun at him*

At this moment, he knew he fucked up.

If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.

Me: punching a kid.

My FBI agent: You're adopted.

If Tim goes to heaven and Tom goes to hell, where does Tam go?

Up your ass.

2019, where you can change your gender at a snap of a finger.

Your mom's just like a penny. Practically worthless, and in everyone's pants.

Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"

The other day I was in the park and got bored, so I found an orphan and punched him in the face, laughed at him, and said, "Whatcha gonna do, tell your parents?"

When your little brother hears noise from your room and you're the only one in it.

A bear is like your best mate, Harry.

If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.

At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"

At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"

What do you call it when Portericans surround your house?

A spicket fence!

Imagine there’s a funny joke here. Imagine it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you’re schizophrenic.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Tank. Tank who? You're welcome. Hehehehe😛😛😛

Alicia was not a popular girl. None of the guys noticed her. Once she got a boyfriend, but then he cheated on her with Katy and said, "You're not sexy enough, Katy is much hotter."

So Alicia took a match, set herself on fire, and screamed, "THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!"

And then she died.

(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)

MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?

BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!

MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?

BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!

MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?

BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.

MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.

BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!

(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)

MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!