Yours jokes

What did the orphan say to its parents?

"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"

They people: "No."

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*

Natives: Can y-

White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.

Daughter: So, I got my period.

Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)

How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?

Pick it up and suck its dick.

Roses are red, violets are blue.

My heart is dead because of you.

Actually, not because of you... because of your face.

Your parents are so proud of you. They LOVE you! <3

What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?

He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”

Your mama so fat, when she walked past the TV, you missed two episodes.

Your hairline is so far back, it was in a different time zone on a flight with you.

Your so broke your mom can't afford your daddy.

Your mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

There's something on your chin, no, the third one down.

What happens when you find a bomb at your local bazaar?

It becomes a flee market.

James Charles is more straight than your hairline.

You're old enough to remember when emojis were called "hieroglyphics."

You're so bald that when you wear a poncho, you look like a broken condom.

The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."

Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma.

What’s the difference between life and a rape joke?

Life fucks you until you stop breathing; a rape joke fucks you until it’s not funny anymore.