Yours jokes
So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"
At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"
At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"
My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
What medicine do you take when your butt hurts?
Answer: Assprin.
Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.
Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?
Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?
You're walking on the street when you realize that you're in the road as you feel the horn dying away.
There was a family, the father's name was Mad, the mother is Brain, the brother's name is Nobody and the sister's name is Everybody.
One day, Nobody killed Everybody, and the father ran to the police's office and screamed, "NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!!"
"Sir, are you okay?" The police asked.
"I said, NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!!" The father yelled even louder.
"Are you mad?" The police asked.
"Yes, because my name is Mad!" The father exclaimed.
"Where's your brain?" Asked the police.
"At home because my wife name is Brain," the father said. The police fell down due to the confusion.
Bully says, "You are DISGUSTING!!!!!!"
The girl says, "Just like your face."
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!
Your forehead is so deep, not even curry can shoot from that deep.
Cyber bully: Your mom giey.
Me: nO U
Your momma is so fat, when she gets done having sex she rolls over and smokes a ham.
Your forehead is so long, even Einstein didn’t know how to cross it.
What is an orphan's least favorite show? “How I Met Your Mother.”
Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?
Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
Your hairline is so bad, not even God could save it.
Tyler: What's your favorite fruit?
Frankie: Pineapple duh, what's yours?
Tyler: Pineapple
Frankie: Wanna come over and watch some Netflix? I'm home alone.
Tyler: Absolutely!! What time should I be there?
Frankie: Right now.
Tyler: Sweet! Should I bring a condom?
Frankie: Now enough talk, let's fuck.
Tyler: I thought you never asked.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Pornhub is yours, Facebook will do.
Are you a raisin? Because you’re raisin' my dick.