You're jokes

Your mama so fat the flash died halfway running around her.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.

How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.

Why is it so difficult to watch hentai?

They moan louder than your speakers.

So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.

Teacher: "If you don't understand, ask your parents at home."

Orphan: "I don't have neither of those :c"

"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing, unless you're at a funeral.

Friend: How dark IS your humor?

Me: It started an organization against cops.

What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.

When you're a terrorist and you have a stutter.

A a a a a a a a ala ala ala ala ala alaog alaogbar.

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."

Kid 1: "As if."

Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

Americans when they think they have the best offensive British jokes: "we threw your tea in the ocean." 💀

British people making offensive jokes about America: "our towers didn’t explode."😎

Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.

Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?

Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.

Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.

Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.

Me: ...

What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?

Transparent.

Your forehead is so huge, you don't have dreams, you have movies. Follow me on Instagram: _zer0x3.

If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?

You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?

European.

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”

School reminds me of a penis. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.