You're jokes
what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?
you find the real one.
What do you call your angry French aunt?
A crossaunt.
Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.
I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
Your mama so fat the flash died halfway running around her.
The American salute starts with your hand facing flat towards the ground on your head.
The British salute starts with your hand against your head just like the American salute.
The French salute starts with your hands in the air.
The Saudi salute starts with you being bent over with a camel tongue in your ass.
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
Teacher: "If you don't understand, ask your parents at home."
Orphan: "I don't have neither of those :c"
Why is it so difficult to watch hentai?
They moan louder than your speakers.
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.
"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing, unless you're at a funeral.
Friend: How dark IS your humor?
Me: It started an organization against cops.
What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
When you're a terrorist and you have a stutter.
A a a a a a a a ala ala ala ala ala alaog alaogbar.
Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.
Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?
Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.
Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.
Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.
Me: ...
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?
Transparent.