You're jokes

What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?

Gonorrhea.

What's the best way to get gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.

Your hairline is so pushed back, it's looking like it got slapped up by Will Smith.

Are you a raisin? Because you’re raisin' my dick.

An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"

I thought I saw Jojo Siwa... no wait, it's your hairline.

Your mom is so fat that she can't get internet because she is worldwide.

Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.

Teacher: "I was an orphan when I was a kid."

Students: "oof"

Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"

Students: "Yeah, your parents."

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.

bully: "Your life's a joke."

me: "My life's not a joke, jokes have meaning."

I was watching my son play at the park, and a lady asked me, "Which one is yours?" And for fun, I said, "I don't know, I'm still choosing."

Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

Me: I look up to you.

Friend: Wow, thanks!

Me: But in general cuz your so tall.

What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.

Your hairline looks like the McDonald's sign M.

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave? A microwave doesn't brown your meat.