You're jokes
Why did your mom cross the road?
You were on the same side as her, and she wanted to get as far away from you as possible.
Are you lightning?
Because you're McQueen.
You're so poor. You're just PO, you can't even afford the other O and R.
What's black and white and red all over?
The darkness of your heart, the dishonor of your lies, and the embarrassment you feel when busted for both.
If your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, does that mean your pants are tucked into your shirt?
Your secret is safe with me. I walnut tell a soul.
You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.
Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.
When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?
Your mom dot com.
Monster: “I will devour your family.”
Orphan: “Oh.”
Your mama is so fat, she sunk Atlantis even though it's in the ocean!
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time it was sung... the line “fire away” caused massive confusion and shooting!
Your hairline goes so far back even Dora the Explorer couldn’t find it.
That’s why the nickname for your hairline is the Red Sea.
What does iCloud eat for lunch?
Your documents.
Neona: Gwen! I got the job!!!!!!!!!
Gwen: I knew it! I knew my prayer worked!
Neona: He said that all my ideas are the best and that I start on Monday!
Gwen: Man, don't you love Mr. Jaekson? He is the best person the company has ever had!
Neona: Who is Mr. Jaekson?
Gwen: Wait... Mr. Jaekson didn't interview you?
Neona: No! Mr. Smith did. He said he was standing.
Gwen: No, Mr. Smith, you are a fool who never lets you spread the word or do anything. I can also mention that he is a person who has sexual problems!
Neona: Gwen, you are a liar!
Gwen: No, I'm not. I'm telling the truth, Neona!
Neona: Gwen, please be happy that I got the job without you lying that Mr. Smith sexual assaults women!!!
Gwen: He does, you're not listening.
Neona: I don't care, BITCH!!!!
Your hairline is so far, too far, even dark humored jokes are scared of it.
You fighting? More like you're dying!
Is your home the Twin Towers? Because I'm tryna crash!