You're jokes
There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.
When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.
The doctor said, "You're all right now."
Mom: I apologize, Sam, for being so mean to you. <3
Sam: Thank you, Mother, for your apology.
Mom: jk
You're so short that you don't have to open the front door to get inside the house.
My fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type. After performing some tests, the doctor said, "Well, the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."
Your hairline is so bad people thought you were Vegeta!
Person: What's your perfect date look like?
Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.
Caution: Looking at your hairline can cause you to be delirious and have hallucinations.
You're so fat, when you went on the weighing scale, it said "to be continued."
Your mum's hairline was so long that you decided to get therapy.
Your (DYM 31).
Yo mama so fat that when she walked past the TV, you missed three episodes of your favorite show.
Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? The front desk always asks, “Where are your parents?”
I have a match!
My ass, your face.
Is it just me, or can I see the Roman Empire from how far back your hairline goes?
"One man's trash is another man's treasure."
It's a wonderful phrase, but a terrible way to find out you're adopted.
I went to go mine for some gold, but then I saw some shorts.
Friend: "Your jokes are too short."
Me: "Zip it, my jokes are always golden."
Friend: "You're such an ingot, don't forget your jokes are always Aurum."
Me: "I know my jokes are Aurum; it's always because I always glitz."
Friend: "At least I have luminescent" (Get it? Lu mines cent)
What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.
Time really freezes when you're stuck on a sinking ship.
POV: You keep having auditory hallucinations and fully believe your house is haunted because you never went and got diagnosed for schizophrenia.
Ooh, I wonder what's on this browser. *clicks* "How to tell your kid they're adopted."