You're jokes

I would roast you but you're already so hot.

So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."

Hey, I just wanna be in bed. I just wanna stay ahead. I just feel like I am dead, And I like that color red. Hey, I am not the big fat loser, And you're just a big accuser, You user and excuser.

Say this to you sister, toxic BF, anyone :)

Johnny is very attached to his parents. He asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks, "What's that?" The mother replies, "That's my garage." He looks up and asks, "What are those?" The mother responds, "Those are my headlights."

He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down, "Daddy, what's that?" The dad replies, "That's my car." He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tells his mother and she says, "You can lay with me." He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed. He gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving. He looks under the covers to investigate and sees them going at it. He then yells, "Mommy, turn on you're headlights, Daddy's parking his car in you're garage!" *THUD*

Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!

Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.

When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?

When your mum tells you to help your granny.

And you unplug life support!

This boy said, "Get your hairline straight." I said, "Girls don't have a hairline. How about you go to the barber shop and let your barber do your hair 10 times worse than he did the first time."

What do you call a mom that is yours?

Your mom!

How to give a good hand job?

Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.

None of you ever touch my penis.

Kid: Knock, knock.

Orphan: Who’s there?

Kid: Not your parents.

You're a fat poop poop!

Q: How do you know a wishing well works?

A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.

My friend's 4-year-old daughter made up this joke.

What kind of poo should you put in your hair?

Shampoo.

If you're happy and you know it, f*** your mom.

Your mama is so fat, she sunk Atlantis even though it's in the ocean!

When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"

I'll call your mom a cow, but which one?

What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?

Next time I’m bringing all my friends.