You're jokes

Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"

And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"

Look at your left hand, now look at your right hand, and tell yourself, "Which hand do you cheat with?"

Wanking.

Tell your mom I don't like waiting in queues.

So if I drink alcohol, you're an alcoholic. But if I drink Fanta, I’m fantastic.

How do I make my dick disappear?

I put it in your dad.

"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."

"That's your lookout."

One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor's kid laying face-first in the grass, not breathing.

Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor's big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little Johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone.

Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, "I'm sorry to hear that your child has gone missing."

If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan because what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Your butt is so fat, I can remove 90% of beauty with a tissue.

"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."

~John F. Kennedy

Sorry.

Why are you sorry?

Sorry for putting deez nuts in your mouth.

What is the difference between gross and kinky according to a Canadian?

Using a toothpick to remove human feces between your teeth after licking another person's ass is gross, but performing a blowjob on a man who is well-endowed while he is eating a tuna fish sandwich, with maple syrup instead of mayonnaise, is kinky.

Best friend: Dude, your sister is hot, I'd hit that.

Me: Already did. SWEET HOME ALABAMA

Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.

Yeah man, you watch Pornhub, and you have premium too, but at least I don't need Premium to see your mom in bed.

I fucked your girl.

Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a Monday and didn't end 'til Sunday.

You're so poor that you can't pay for a public school.

Your mum is so fat, I had to take 2 buses and a train to get to her good side.

What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?

Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.