You're jokes

Boy 1: "Sonic is a fictional character."

Boy 2: "Yeah, just like your dad."

How do you know a gay guy has been in your house?

There are speedos in the microwave.

Trump's cabinet are like panties. Some crawl up your butt, some snap under pressure, and some actually cover your butt when you need them.

Q: What breed of dog is supposed to laugh at all of your jokes?

A: A Chihuahua.

So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.

Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?

You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-

(Destroys phone cutely)

Ever heard of candies? Candies balls fit in your mouth.

Dear Grad Parents,

Please pass the attached Commencement schedule on to your graduate(s). We ask that students arrive 15 minutes prior to their scheduled time and that they do not arrive early. Staff will greet the students outside the main entrance. Students may wear cap and gowns and/or formal wear.

There will be more information to follow in the coming days.

Thank you.

At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"

At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"

You're so poor that you die and go to the backrooms.

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."

The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."

The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"

On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.

Copy and paste in your search bar to see watersharky's worst picture on HIS OWN DOCS.

"You're pretty, let me take you on a date!" Sike, I lied. You're ugly and fried. What you talking about?

Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:

"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"

Your mum, your dad, The things you never had.

You: I have a nice hairline.

Your friend: Since when do you have one?

You: I forgot.

Your hairline is more curved than James Charles' gender.

I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"