You're jokes

A bear is like your best mate, Harry.

If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.

You're so damn ugly that the robbers only go into your house to close the blinds.

If you're bored, pull a Technoblade, bully orphans.

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Your adopted.

This lady has 2 parrots that only say one thing: "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?"

So she goes and tells her pastor. He responds with, "I have two parrots as well, they are always praying, and they have everything that a parrot needs to be a Christian. Maybe if we put our parrots together, mine will fix yours."

They proceed to do so, and the lady's parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?" and the pastor's parrots reply with "Johnny, drop your beads and lift your heads, our prayers have been answered!"

Yo momma is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number."

Your hairline be looking like the Great Recession.

Your earlobes are so big, you can fit your mom inside of them 5000 times and still have room for more!

An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.

After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."

Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.

The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."

If you give this a thumbs down, you're gay. If you give it a thumbs up, you're straight.

When your mom tells you to stop playing on the computer, you say, "Foot you!"

Singing in the shower is fun, until you get soap in your mouth.

Then it's a soap opera.

Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!

What's the difference between a suicide bomber and your mom?

A suicide bomber doesn't abort their mission like your mom did when she had you.

Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."

Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.

Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."

What do you do when your man doesn't like fruit jokes?

Let the mango.

Your forehead is so big you can headbutt my face and chest at the same time.

A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."

Your hairline go so far back it remember the Civil War, ugly ahh.

You're sponsoring eBay with your hairline.