You're jokes

I see that you start work at 9am, but your hairline starts at 9:15am.

Your mom is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing.

If you're bored, pull a Technoblade, bully orphans.

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

If you tell me to get a life, you're telling me to get a life better than yours!

What is the difference between anal and oral sex?

Oral sex makes your whole day. Anal sex makes your hole weak.

Your mom is so ugly Biden likes her.

You think my face is ugly? Yours is more.

Aiden's the best, in any contest, and no matter what, he'll kick your butt!

Hi, I did not get your text. I texted you when I texted you. You are not [responding].

My dick is longer than your life.

Charizarding.

When you light a girl's pubes on fire, put it out with your jizz, then flap your arms and say, "You don't have enough badges to train me!"

The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.

Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.

What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.

What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.

Why doesn't Batman need Robin as a wingman?

Because he has no problem robbin' your girl.

What kind of tree fits into your hand? A palm tree.

You and your mom.

How do you call a black pilot?

A pilot, you racist.

What did one cheese say to the other cheese?

"Hello, it's a nice day, do you have any plans on what you're going to do?"... The other cheese was taken back by his politeness and friendliness, they agreed to meet again, and were soon married and lived happily ever after. Let this tale of the two cheeses inspire you to be a better person.

After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”

The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”

Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”

Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.

The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"

"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."