You're jokes

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.

Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.

What’s the difference between a mountain and your girl?

At least the mountain has two hills.

Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.

What did the orphan say to its parents?

"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"

They people: "No."

Your mama is so fat, when scientists discovered her, they thought it was a new galaxy.

Imagine this: You're at math class. The teacher asks you, "What's 11 * 11?" You say, "120." The teacher says, "Wrong!" You say, "How off was I?" The teacher says, "1."

Me rn: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHERES THE RAGE TABLE or something like that.

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

How do you turn a cat into a fish?

Tell your girl not to wash down there.

I said I was going to my flat. I really meant your girl.

Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?

I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"

So, I was walking around the outside of the building and I saw a kid and asked, "Where's your parents?" I love working at the orphanage.

Your gene pool is so shallow, you could break your neck diving in.

What's one thing your dad shares with black men? Your sister.

Me: Pretend your name is “puberty.”

Friend: Ok?

Me: I'mma hit puberty!

*hits my friend*

Arab rizz. Are you a tower? Because I wanna blow you up and don't let your friend know about this. Rashid, I told you not to blow it up, I had it.

The greatest Arab pilot, my grandfather.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Your dead son.

Your hairline dates so far back like when your dad left.