You're jokes

A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Mother!

Mother who?

It's your mother.

"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."

"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"

I'll give you an A because you're awesome.

B because you're beautiful.

A C because you're caring.

And I'll give you this D cuz you deserve it.

You know that your grades are bad when you get a 66% on a test and your grade goes up.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.

Your mamma is so fat that she saved me a lot of money by sitting in my car when I wanted to buy a low rider.

What are you willing to write in your notebook? These nuts.

You: OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THE KRAP THEY HAVE BEEN THROUGH!

The other person: Who?

You aka answer: Your Butt cheeks.

What's an orphan's least favorite day? Take your kid to work day.

You’re so short you would need a lift to kiss your bride.

If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!

Bf: Babe, do you love me?

Gf: Of course, why do you ask?

Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.

"Is your refiger running?"

"Is your refrigerator running? You better go catch it!"

Friend A: "Why are you still a virgin, bro?"

Friend B: "I was until last night."

Friend A: "Nah, nah, who with?"

Friend B: "Your sister."

Friend A: "I don't have a sister."

Friend B: "Just wait 9 months, you'll see."

A: What's the difference between a toilet and a washing basin?

B: I don't know.

A: Then I guess your house looks beautiful...

B: ...

When someone says you're an orphan, say, "At least I was wanted, unlike you!"

People say your body is 75% water, while mine [is] 100% full of coffee.

Chuck: Do you have holes in your underpants?

Teacher: No, of course not.

Chuck: Then how do you get your feet through?

Your head looks like a joke.