You're jokes
A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said, "I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there," the boy replied.
The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked, "Do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?" The boy replied, "I plan on getting busy all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing," said the pharmacist.
That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. The girl's father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, "You never told me that you were so religious." The boy replied, "You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist."
Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
A kid was asking a mother for money.
Mother: Sorry, I don't have money.
The kid kept asking the mother for money.
Mother: I already told you I don't have money.
The kid (the middle child): I'm your fucking child!
Why did the Titanic sink? Because your mom was on it.
How do you stop a terrorist from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
Your hairline is so far away that Jesus could've seen it when he was on the cross.
I hope your cookie is too big to fit in your glass of milk.
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. Do you know what he said?
"Get your paws off!" 💩💩💩
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
Do you know Candice?
Candice dick fit in your mouth!
Girlfriend: Am I pretty or ugly?
Boyfriend: You're both!
Girlfriend: What do you mean by that?
Boyfriend: You're pretty ugly!!!
Just letting you know if people cry when they see you, that doesn't mean they miss you. That means they're scared of your onion breath.
What do you tell your butt cheek when you need to use the bathroom? "Hold it in, so you won't get constipated and die."
Milk makes you tall, right?
Well how did you get tall if your dad didn't come back with the milk?
Your mom is so fat that she can't get internet because she is worldwide.
Quote of the day:
Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.
[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]
Guess what.
What?
Your mum saw your 1 inch.
As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers. : )
Are you a gun, because I would be your bullets because I love going in children.