You're jokes

Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.

Your mama is so ugly.

The Buddhist monks broke their vow of silence.

Your mama is so fat, even God couldn't raise her spirit.

The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.

Your mum is so fat, when she roleplayed Wonder Woman, she couldn't fit in the invisible jet.

Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.

My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”

Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”

God, you’re having a good day?

Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.

Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.

Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!

You look too old to be living with your grandma.

I want your weight, not your phone number.

When you are being spoon-fed and your mum says, "Here comes the airplane."

How to cure boredom:

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Your hair is receding more than people do when they smell you.

What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?

Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.

I read the chapter of numbers, but nowhere did I ever see your number.

What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?

He didn't come back with the milk.

So you're offended by midget jokes? C'mon, grow up!

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"

Why did Hellen Keller's dogs run away?

Because wouldn't you runway too if your name was djhdhekdndyekedhekekfjkfurir?