You're jokes
This guy goes to the doctor and says, “I think I’m a wigwam, no, I think I’m a teepee, no, I must be a wigwam, no, a teepee.”
The doctor tells him, “I think I understand your problem. You’re two tents.”
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a needle.
Doctor: I see your point!
Stormtrooper: What happened with your garden?
Palpatine: Grew it.
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
Teacher: What’s 2+2?
Jimmy: 2+2=feEesh
Teacher: Well, Jimmy I can see you're going places, not college, but places.
Memes
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
What do you think of your mom? I have to go now and tyyyytt.
What did the pencil say to the other pencil?
Your looking sharp!
What did the stepdad say to the flower? You're grounded!
Your mom: Your plate is full, that's enough food on your plate.
Me: My plate is not full, I still see the white of the plate.
When you're from Arkansas, you know! Door!
The QUEEN is JACK! KING off the JOKER!
I know what you're thinking, pervert. Actually, the joke's about a jester in drag. OK, I’m joking, the Queen cheated on the King with the Jester.
What did the ferret say after his family was questioned by police?
It's none of your business!
911 help. Hello?
Never mind, forget it. You're so stupid 😡😡😡😡😏
What did your mom say last night? "Go harder!"
Be grateful:
You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.
I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
Engineer: I know engineering, and my gut instinct tells me to fix it!
Biologist: I know biology, and your gut instinct is full of shit.